“I know all this but I can’t move”

A tale of my luteal phase + doomscrolling

So I’ve spent most of this week lying horizontally doomscrolling through news and images that my brain has failed to really process or digestible. Mainly because they aren’t really processable or digestible. We are living in unprecedented & fucking terrifying times. I don’t want to dwell, but more to ask to why when I am due my period, I seem to be drawn to the endless churn of social media. I find it hard to do anything that constitutes as real self care for myself. I can’t concentrate on films, books, even reading things on Substack. All of it seems to fall off the table. 

As someone who has studied somatic therapy and hormonal health, I find it puzzling that I can’t employ any of the tools or techniques right before my period. I seem to go into a shutdown/freeze state. I am hyper vigilant. Grumpy. Anxious. And yet, that little social media app seems to scream my name. Take today for example, I woke up at 4am. Did I read? No. Did I meditate? No. Did I journal? No. WHAT DID YOU DO, I hear you ask. I picked up my phone and scrolled for the best part of two hours. I cried at three different videos. One was a elderly man holding a protest sign against ICE, one was of an abused pony and a little boy trying to connect with each other, and one was of a girl asking her Dad red flag/green flag questions. Again this post will not be about the news, nor about my father issues. Let’s keep it that way Chantelle. 

So I thought I would come on here and write about it. In the hope that someone else might give themselves less of a hard time because sometimes KNOWING the tools, and DOING the tools sometimes feels like a quantum leap. Scientifically there is a reason why I tend to gravitate towards the scroll of doom in my luteal phase. My progesterone has dropped (think of this as the happy healthy hormone cushion, say adios amigo in your luteal), my oestrogen has also dropped. This affects two key neurotransmitters – serotonin and dopamine. My brain is craving quick hits of stimulation so the scrolling is hitting the spot. In short: hormonal changes + emotional sensitivity + fatigue + comfort-seeking = a perfect storm for doomscrolling.

So what can I do with this knowledge, when I really don’t want to do anything caring for myself today? I finally put my phone down, I thought about writing about it, I am going to get up, change my sheets, take a cool shower, try walk the dogs in the rain, perhaps do a very LIGHT workout in the gym. I will probably cry again later and that’s ok. I am going to try put my legs up against the wall, and play a meditation on my Insight timer app. I am going to try say to my heavy heart that it’s ok to feel sad and overwhelmed. That today doesn’t have to be a great day. That sometimes the best things you can do are just the basics. 

So if you find yourself in a similar slump this week, know you’re not failing. You’re human. You’re riding the waves of hormones, anxiety, and a world that sometimes feels unmanageable. Small, tender steps are enough <3